How Many Hours Does It Take To Make a Friendship?

‘You don't always see them, but you know they're always there.’

Good friends are hard to find, and at least part of the problem may lie in the fact that it takes a significant time investment to forge a genuine friendship.

The Journal of Science and Personal Relationships reports that it takes 50 hours of hanging out to go from ‘acquaintance’ to ‘friend’, 90 hours to go from ‘friend’ to ‘good friend’, and 200 hours to become someone’s best friend.

We don't just discover a best friend, but rather we develop a best friendship. That means if we grab lunch for 90 minutes with someone that we'd have to schedule 132 more lunches before we felt that close, knew each other that well, feeling safe and close to someone takes time. 

Why did it seem so much easier to form friendships when you were younger?

“When people transition between stages, they’ll double or triple the amount of time they spend with that other person in three weeks’ time.”

Exercise is a good metaphor for meaningful friendships…We go in to a gym expecting exhaustion and discomfort — even wanting it!— as proof of our exertion. We understand our physical health requires intention and energy. Unfortunately, far too many of us don’t realise the same is true for friendships, too. We have forgotten that relational health doesn’t just happen to us without emotional sweat, practice, or effort. It’s time to remember that we can learn to create the friendships that really matter in our lives.

What do you think of these findings? How long did it take you to bond with your bestie?